My final exam of the semester was yesterday (Wednesday morning) at 8:30 AM. It was our 5th exam of the semester in Anatomy. I’m not sure why, but stuff wasn’t really clicking for it. I did about as well as I estimated I would do, but not nearly as well as I would have liked. But I’ll live with it.

I’m waiting for two final grades that represent 35% of the grade in a 2 credit class. I expect them to be decent and assuming no surprised, that means I’ll finish this semester with a 3.2. In a previous post I mentioned we need a 2.7 or better to continue So I’m good on that. That said, it’s not the 3.7 I thought I was looking at mid-semester. I should be happy and proud, but honestly, I’m still a bit stressed. My last two anatomy exams definitely had a bit of a drop and two of my exams (including one of the anatomy ones) that I thought I did really well on, I didn’t.

I’ve mentioned this to a few folks, but needed to elaborate a bit. It’s not the grade per-se that bothers me. It’s fact that I thought I had done much better than I actually did. I’ve walked out of one or two tests (including this last anatomy exam) not feeling great about it, and the final grade reflected my feelings. But when I think I did great and didn’t, that’s another whole story. It’s giving me a lot of self-doubt.

But my advisor and other faculty have assured me not to worry. But, I will.

That said, I’ve been analyzing some of the reasons for not doing as well on the exams as I would have liked. Some is simply “this ain’t easy.” I didn’t expect it to be and some of it is rote memorization and that’s honestly harder for me. Don’t ask me about all the muscles in the lower leg and foot and their innervation or vasculature.

Some of it, I honestly was trying some different study techniques that didn’t work. I honestly should have taken my own advice and gone back to what I wrote about here. I had started to rely a bit too much on using ChatGPT in a particular way (basically a “quiz” mode) that I ended up being a bit biased in what I felt confident one. That I think explains a lot of the issue with the two exams where I walked in really confident but didn’t walk out with a great grade. I’ve gone back to some of my basics and also modified how I work with ChatGTP. While my last anatomy exam wasn’t nearly as high as I’d have liked, I think it was far better than it would have been had I not adopted these changes to my study methods.

My advisor and mentor and our didactic coordinator have been great. They’ve given me some good advice and guidance. A common them I’ve heard is that while the work gets harder in some ways (and more of it, 25 credits vs 18), there’s less memorization and more integration and honestly, I think I’m better at that. So we’ll see.

I should note, nearly one-third of those credits is Medicine 1, an eight credit class. So a lot is riding on me doing well in that class!

I think if I can make it through the second semester, then I’ll be set. Not to say it’ll be easy, but I’ll be that much closer.

My biggest stress about my clinical year will be the logistics. But that’s about nine months away.

That said, the other emotion running through my head is, “I should be studying.” I’ve spent pretty much every waking hour of the last 10 weeks studying. Not having something immediately study for is really wreaking havoc on my brain. I’m trying to get a bit more into “relax” mode and having difficulty.

I wouldn’t exactly say it’s trauma, but in a sense it is. I haven’t really been hyped on adrenaline for the past 10 weeks, but it does feel a bit like withdrawal.

So I’m home for about 10 more days. What am I going to do? Pick up some shifts in the ED. Partly for the money, partly to keep my skills sharp, and really honestly, to catch up with my coworkers. I honestly miss them.

I’m going to take a bunch of incoming freshman at RPI on a caving trip.

And I’m having a pool party.

And then at 9:00 AM on August 25th we start fall orientation. That’s of an hour and then it’s straight into our first lecture: “Evidence Based Practice.”