Most of the members of my PA school cohort are in a group chat. It was in this chat I received one of the better messages lately: “Today marks the halfway point of our didactic year!!” Now, this is a two year program, so it also marks approximately the one-quarter mark of our progress (the schedule for the clinical year is a bit more complex). In either case, it was a nice landmark to reach, especially considering that in 9 days we had 5 tests. And of that 9 days, 2 were the weekend. Of the 5 tests, 3 were, at least for me, particularly difficult. I passed all of them, one just barely. So it’s fair to say it’s been a particularly stressful part of the semester. Now it’s Friday night and I’m relaxing and starting to plan out how to finish up the rest of the semester.

I mentioned in a previous post about life being on hold. And often I still feel that way. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times I have doubts about continuing on for the next half or three-quarters. It’s not about the grades. While I’d like to be doing a bit better, the truth is, based on what my professors tell me and what I’ve read, I’m well prepared for my clinicals next year and for eventually passing the PANCE. I rarely have doubts about my ability to get where I want to go.

What I wonder at times is a more existential question: Is it worth it? I’ve reflected upon this a bit in the past. I’ll be 59 by the time I become a PA. I know I’m going to enjoy it. But, for how long will I enjoy it? How long do I need to enjoy it to make two years of my life and over a $100,000 worth it? In terms of economic investment, while I haven’t done the math, I think if I had simply continued as an ED Tech for these two years and then three additional years and retired at 62 I’d be better off financially. In terms of time committed to something, I certainly could have worked far fewer hours in IT than the time I’m spending in school or as an ED Tech and come out ahead financially and in terms of leisure time.

So, unlike my classmates, who statistically will spend much of their career as a PA, I’ll spend perhaps 10 years as one. In terms of finances, it’s probably not the greatest career choice this late in life. In terms of work-life balance, at least for two years, it’s definitely not a great choice. I have no real work-life balance for now.

But you know what? Even with those doubts, I’m still confident I’m on the right course. I really enjoy medicine. While sometimes I’m frustrated, especially about pharmacy, I enjoy what I’m learning. I enjoy the problem solving that goes into making a diagnosis. I enjoy the work I know that will be involved. It will be worth it.

I’ll have my doubts at times. I’ll have the exams I’m sure I’m about to fail and I might even fail one or two (several professors have told me, “everyone fails at least one exam in PA school, I did.”). But I’ll get there. I’m half-way through the didactic year and about one quarter of the way through the whole process. Some way, I’ll finish it and be able to add PA-C after my name. I can’t wait.