“Don’t be so Sensitive”

I’ve mentioned in the past that I have an interest both in the SQL Server world, and the caving world. Often these both overlap in different ways, for example disaster planning and the like.

The other day I was reminded of another way in which they overlap: the ratio of men to women in each activity.  In both areas, though I don’t have firm numbers, far more men participate than women. There are a number of reasons for this, but one I’ll call “the good ol’ boys” attitude. I discussed this in a previous post concerning women in the industry. Recently however I was reminded that sexism continues to be a problem in the caving community. On Facebook, I’m a member of a number of groups with a focus on caving. The other day someone saw fit to post a picture in one of the groups I’m a member of. The picture was of a young woman, in a sports bra and short tights wearing a rock-climbing harness, and holding on to a dangling rope.

Now, there were several problems technically wrong with the picture, including the fact that she was wearing a rock-climbing harness and this was a caving group and the fact that the harness was on backwards.  But, that wasn’t the real problem.  The real issue was, this was that it simply was not appropriate for this group.  Several members posted pointing out that this picture, and pictures like this, objectify women and discourage them from caving.

And then it came, a guy saying, “Don’t be so sensitive.”

In four words, he casually dismissed the concerns and feelings of a large number of his fellow cavers.  He said, without realizing it, “I don’t care how you feel. Your feelings and concerns are not important to me.” In my experience, these are the very same men who then complain there aren’t enough women in caving.

Similar comments included, “Oh, now you’re saying she’s wrong to be proud of her body” or “what’s the matter with a hot body”.  Here the underlying subtext is that anyone who expressed an issue with the photograph in that group was a prude.

I’ve seen similar comments at times in the IT community; “What’s the matter if I call her pretty, she should be proud of that!” “What, DBAs can’t be hot too?”

What some of my fellow cavers and IT professionals fail to understand is that the women in these circles want to be considered by the same standards as their male companions, on their skills and accomplishments, not on what their body looks like.  This does not make them prudes.

Nor, when these same women dress up for a cocktail party, or have a beer, or crack a ribald joke does that make them hypocrites. This is also an important concept for many men to understand. The women I know who cave and are DBAs are just as complex and varied as the men. Some like to dress up, some like to tell off-color jokes in the appropriate setting, some like to smoke a cigar, and often do all the same things that their male compatriots do.  But when it comes to caving or IT, they want to be respected for their skills, not judged for these other attributes.

So, next time you’re about to post a hot sexy photo, or make a comment on a woman’s appearance, ask yourself, “is this the appropriate place for this? Would I do this if it was a hot sexy photo of a man? Would I make the same comment towards a man?” And as a hint, if the name of the group is something like, “Professionals in IT” or “Cavers of the World” the answer is almost certainly “no”. Remember, your fellow cavers and IT professionals are judging you.

The Next Generation

As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m a caver. I mention this when I speak as part of a dad joke, that as a caver, I really do know a certain body part from a hole in the ground. I won’t say it makes me unique, there are literally 1000s of cavers in the US and even more around the world.

Like any group of people, not all cavers are the same. Some love long expeditions where they may spend a week or more underground, mapping new caves and plumbing their depths. Others may go in to study the geology or search for fossils. Some are studying the biosphere within caves. I have a lot of respect for those folks. Me, I like to take beginners caving. I also like to teach cave rescue and to talk about it.

And I think my role in taking new folks caving can be as important as what many of my fellow cavers do. Yes, it means I often go into the same caves over and over again, and that may sound boring, but honestly, it’s generally not. I often get to see the cave again through new eyes.

What brought on this post was the fact that I had the opportunity to take a friend and her twins caving for a second time. The wonder and excitement that their 6 year old eyes brought to the cave was wonderful. Passages I took as boring and mundane they saw as exciting and exhilarating. Their enjoyment was a breath of fresh air.

I’m a member of the National Speleological Society  I support the NSS because it supports cavers. But, I have a nit to pick with some (certainly not all) of my fellow members.

Let me preface by saying that caves can be rare and unique areas. While they can appear to be solid, non-changing areas made of stone, they can be dynamic places and the presence of humans can easily have a dramatic, negative impact.  For example, people hiking a mountain don’t have an impact on it simply by breathing near the mountain (they can certainly have other impacts). But, bringing enough people into a cave can have a dramatic impact on fungal and bacterial growth simply due to the amount of moisture they bring into the cave with them. They can also bring fungi and bacteria into a cave that may not have been there before.

In addition, many once beautiful caves have been destroyed by treasure collectors who have broken off cave formations such as stalactites and stalagmites. Once removed, it can be hundreds of years or more before they’ll reform. Even touching a forming one can alter its formation.

As a result of this, I’ve seen a movement that appears to be growing of both gating caves and of not sharing the location of caves. While cavers have often always been a bit protective of cave locations, the perception, at least to me, is that we’ve become more so. We’re reluctant to share the caving experience because we’re afraid “too many people will come and ruin the cave.” And there’s probably some truth to that.

But, while I certainly favor protecting our caves, I think if we’re too protective, we end up risking losing the next generation of cavers.  And the NSS enrollment numbers suggest this may be happening.

So, I personally prefer to take beginners caving. Many will attempt to go anyway, so I’d rather they learn proper caving techniques and cave conservation.  I encourage others to do the same. Take the time to introduce others to this wonderful activity, and teach them how to do it correctly.  And fortunately for every caver that seems to have the attitude of not wanting to “let” novices into caves, there seem to be two cavers that are willing to take novices caving. So, I remain optimistic.

I’ve thought about this also as I look at the presentations some of my fellow #SQLFamily members and realized I do the same there. Many will have great presentations on complex topics and ideas. They’re great presentations. And I respect them for it and admittedly, I’m sometimes jealous of their knowledge and skills. Myself, I seem to prefer teaching more introductory topics. I think continuing to bring new folks into the world of SQL Server and into SQL Saturday and PASS Summit are important. In fact our speaker this coming Monday is Matt Cushing. He’ll be speaking about Networking 101.

To close, I think in any world, but particularly in the two I inhabit, caving and SQL, it takes all types, those who dive deep into the subject and those who take other paths. I don’t think one path is necessarily better than another. The only ones I have an issue with those are those who take the attitude that novices aren’t welcome. You don’t necessarily have to be the person welcoming novices, but don’t be the one that discourages them either. We need to build the next generation.  And that’s my take away for the week.

“Do What You Love…

And you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius, Mark Antony, Mark Twain.

Honestly, I think that’s some of the worst advice ever. It’s a sure way to end up hating something you love doing. Or if you do follow it, make sure you understand what it is that you love.

I first realized this in high school. I had signed up to do JV soccer, something I enjoyed, but I can’t say I loved. Before school started, we had a day of orientation. It included a hike or run up the mountain behind the school. I loved the woods and I loved (and still do at times) running through the woods. Somewhere along the way, a fellow student saw me running and suggested if I enjoyed running through nature so much, that I consider doing Cross-Country instead as my fall sport. I took their advice; snd hated it for two fall semesters in a row.

I realized what had happened was that I had replaced what to me was a fun, non-competitive activity and turned it into something where I had to perform at a specific level every single time. What I loved was running through the woods, not running competitively.

People assume I love working with computers.  That’s not entirely true. I ENJOY working with computers. I enjoy solving problems and computers are one way I can express that joy. When I make a query run 10x faster, or automate a process that previously took someone an hour a day to do, I enjoy that. But do I love it? Probably not. And I’m actually grateful for that. Because if I loved it, it would mean those days of drudgery where I bang my head against the wall all day trying to solve a problem, or I’m up until 3:00 AM recovering a failed server would turn something I love into something I dread. Something I loved would become a chore.

I love to teach caving. I get a real thrill out of it. But, I suspect that if I spend 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year doing it, it would soon become a chore.

As my kids started their college journey, I’ve advised them, “find something you enjoy, not something you love. Keep the something you love for your own personal time so it doesn’t become a chore.” And that’s my advice to anyone.

But hey, I could be wrong. What are your thoughts? Did you pick your job because you love it and if so, do you still love it, or did you end up resenting it at all? Or do you enjoy your job?

Challenge Accepted!

Monica Rathbun in a recent blog post commented on how hard it is to write a blog post in under 5 minutes and challenged her readers to try to do it.

The only thing I can say is… challenge accepted.

But what to write about?

How about how I write, or rather how an idea gets into a blog post.

I have to admit, some Tuesdays my mind is blank. I sit at the screen, sometimes for 5 minutes or longer and my mind draws a blank. That’s rare. Fortunately, I often, sometime in the previous 6 days or so get an idea in my head and start to think about what I should write on it. It might have been a particular issue at work I had to solve, so I might be focusing on a more technical SQL or PowerShell focused blog.  Or it might be something I’ve seen that amused me.  This means I mull the thoughts over in my head and often have a basic outline before I put fingers to keyboard. The can help me cut down on the time I spent blogging.

I’ve also got about a dozen drafts saved in WordPress where I simply write a few lines of an idea for future posts. These are my saving graces. When I really can’t think of an idea I’ll go back and pull one of those up and finish them, such as this one which lay in draft status for months.

So, looking I think I failed. I think this one took just over 5 minutes. And to save time, I’m ignoring adding a picture, so you get the default. For now.

 

Lifelong Learning

Writing a weekly blog isn’t always easy. For one, you have to come up with a topic every week. As fellow DBA Monica Rathbun recently pointed out, that’s not always easy. But sometimes (ok, often) I get lucky and the universe conspires to give me a topic.

This is what happened this week. The other night I was talking to my son about a possible project I might need his programming skills on. We reached a point in the discussion where I realized what we wanted to do was possible from a technology point of view, but I honestly had no idea how to accomplish it. I literally said, “I have no idea how to do that. But that’s ok, that hasn’t stopped me before. If I don’t know how to do something and I need to, I’ll learn it.”

That said, earlier in the week I was chatting with a friend of mine who has her doctorate in psychology and we were discussing learning new things and one of the items that came up was how it does get harder to learn as one gets older. On the flip side, we have more skills and memories to build upon which can help compensate.

Going back, even further, I remember my maternal grandfather. He was a PT Boat vet from WWII. Some of my earliest memories were him staring at me surrounded by a bright glow. No, he was not an angelic being, rather he loved to film everything on 8mm film and often used a bar of bright lights to make it bright enough. Later in live, he started to move all the 8mm and Super-8 film to VHS. He learned the necessary skills.

Even later in life, with some help from us grandkids, he started to move everything to DVDs. He was probably in his 70s when he took this up and learned how to edit everything on the computer, add in new sound tracks and titles and more.  I mention this story because I remember the day my mom again called to vent her frustration with her computer and how she was ready to toss it in the microwave and have them commit a murder-suicide together. She claimed she was too old to deal with learning how to use her computer. I mentioned to her that her father had learned how to edit DVDs and he was even older.  She was quiet for a minute and then agreed I had a point. Now in her defense, I will say, more often than not she will now call up and say, “Well, I had a problem with the computer, but I figured it out.”  Again, proving, you’re never too old to learn.

What brought all this together though in my mind was this post from Grant Fritchey. It’s well worth the read and I think he makes a lot of valid points. I know as my career in IT I’ve had to constantly learn. What I need to know today is often vastly different from when I did my first install of SQL Server 4.21a. It’s one reason why I made a point last year of buying a LattePanda singleboard computer and installing Linux and then SQL Server on it. I had decided to challenge myself and set a goal of building a SQL Server for under $200.

I plan on learning up until the day I die (and who knows, perhaps after that!) What about you? Will you stagnate or grow?

And as a reminder, if you enjoy reading my blog, please subscribe to keep abreast of updates and additions.

And a final note, I will be travelling over the next two weeks, so I may be too busy to blog.

Tighter than I Remember

I’ve been reading a book off and on for about a year now called, Being Wrong : Adventures in the Margin of Error. It ties into my interest in meta-cognition and how we think.

We build a model in our head of how the world is. Often times it’s accurate, but often times it’s wrong. In my model of the world, the Sun rises in the East. This model is accurate and corresponds with the model most of us have. But I can easily construct related models that are wrong. Looking back I can remember that it was sunny on a particular day, only to find if I check the records, it was raining. My memory is wrong, but it created the model I had for that day. I can also create a model going forward. Last night, going to bed, the world I was going to wake up to was sunny. This was based on the weather forecast and the fact that the Sun rises in the East. Well, the Sun may have risen today, but it’s not sunny. There’s far too many clouds. So that model was wrong.

This all comes to mind because of a caving trip I did this weekend. There’s a fine little cave near here called Ella Armstrong. It’s really not much of a cave, perhaps 250′ of walkable passage total. But I’ve always liked it even though I hadn’t been there in 15-20 years. It’s got a nice vertical drop at the entrance that’s great for beginners. And it has an easy walk-in entrance.  As a result, I had been considering using it for some cave rescue training next year.

So you can imagine my surprise when two of my fellow cavers who had been there just a few weeks ago said I was in fact wrong and it’s not a walk-in entrance and that in fact it’s rather tight. I was surprised. I didn’t really doubt them, but figured perhaps we had a different definition of what we considered a tight entrance.

Now, let me take a little detour here and mention that almost every caver will at some point joke about how a particular cave has gotten smaller over the years. It’s a little lie we tell ourselves to account for the fact that many of us have put on a few pounds since we first started caving and some passages are in fact harder to get through.  The truth is, rarely due caves get smaller, though sometimes passages sometimes do get larger. There’s a cave in Vermont where I’m pretty sure fitting through 2 of the 3 tightest spots is probably close to impossible for me now. And I know the cave didn’t change sizes, so I’ll have to admit I have.

But back to Ella Armstrong. If you had asked me to describe the entrance prior to this weekend I’d have described it as about 12′ tall at its tallest and 3′-4′ wide most of the way to the top of the drop.

Well, as Saturday proved, the model in my head was only half right. The map lists the entrance as 8′. I’ll call that close enough to 12′ since it simply means there’s no chance to hit my head on the ceiling.

On the other hand, most of the entrance from the surface to the top of the drop is NOT 3′-4′ wide. It probably averages 18″ at most and in parts is just wide enough for me to work my chest through with some contortions. My first reaction when I got to the entrance was, “perhaps some rocks have fallen in and narrowed this from what I remember.” But, after I started to scramble beyond some of the rocks on the surface, I got to the bedrock, which I know hadn’t moved and realized that my model was dramatically wrong. It was tight enough that at one point I considered calling off our trip. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I couldn’t make it further down and past a particular spot; gravity would see to that. It was more that I was afraid I might not get back UP past that spot. Finally after some mental gymnastics I figured a way I could not only get down past the choke point, but felt comfortable thinking I could get back up past it. As I’m writing this from the comfort and safety of my home, you can see my mental gymnastics worked.  Actually, it turned out the crux move on the way out was a bit further up that wasn’t nearly as tight, but had a short shelf about 3′ up in a spot that wasn’t great on foot or handholds. On the way in, that spot didn’t appear to be an issue at all. So again, in the narrow space of about 20 minutes my mental model failed me.

The truth is, we make mental models all the time. It’s how we operate in the world. But sometimes those models are wrong. Sometimes in a positive way, the tight spot getting out wasn’t as bad as I thought, or in a negative way, the spot I thought would be easy, was in fact the hardest sport. But regardless of the errors in many of our models, we generally navigate the world in a successful manner. Being wrong isn’t necessarily the end of the world.

Unfortunately though, as much as I love this cave, it really is too tight to be practical for cave rescue exercises. Which is a shame, because it is a great little cave. And if you’re ever in the area and want to check it out, let me know. I’d love to take you. But I’ll warn you, it’s a bit tight in spots!

Sincerity

There’s an old sales joke about sincerity: If you can fake it, you’ve got it made and can sell anything. I was reminded of this at the SQL Saturday Virginia event. The location was the ECPI campus in Virginia Beach. From talking to Monica Rathbun, the event organizer they were amazing (and more about that in a bit).

But… first a bit of a laugh (at least to me)

Best decision ever made

Best decision they ever made!

I mean I suppose it’s possible both of them had the exact same thought and expressed it in the exact same way, but I think I’d have posted the two posters far enough apart that it didn’t seem so obvious these quotes were probably made up.  It didn’t really come across as sincere. I was amused.

That said, as I understand it, ECPI donated the space for the weekend, setup the tables, took them down and basically did all the site-work that normally SQL Saturday organizers have to do. So kudos for them. Also, at least one professor sent his students down to check us out and gave them extra credit if they went to any of the sessions.

So, in that sense, I will say, I think the folks at ECPI were very sincere in supporting the event and really appreciated it.

But more so, I appreciated what appeared in the speaker room later in the day:

Good eats!

Speaker afternoon snacks

and

More speaker snacks

More speaker snacks

I spoke to the chef who brought them in and apparently ECPI has a culinary school and this was the day of their practicals.

I’ve seen a number of places where food is provided and generally the food staff do an adequate job.  One thing I noticed here was how professional the catering staff were. They wore the typical white jacket of chefs. But, despite being basically a cafeteria across the hall (and the culinary school which was apparently in another building), they acted like this was the Ritz-Carlton and we were buying $75 steaks. Their professionalism and, yes, you knew I was getting here, sincerity in doing their job stood out.

I appreciate it when someone does their job well and sincerely and isn’t just putting in the time.  I recognize we can’t always do that and we have our bad days, but in general, if one can be sincere about their work, I think they should be. It can be obvious when someone doesn’t treat their job seriously or sincerely.

All in all, a great SQL Saturday and I say that sincerely.