I wrote previously about the dangers of calling yourself an ally. Two completely unrelated incidents in the last week reminded me of that post. Both on their own are rather small items, but I think worth considering.
The first basically happened to a friend at a recent rally in NYC to support the Jewish community. Apparently a young non-Jewish woman accosted an elderly Jewish immigrant at the march for comments he had made about the goal or purpose of the rally. Or to put it another way, a non-Jewish person was telling a Jewish person that the way he was expressing his support for Judaism was wrong. Let that sink in for a minute. Now, to be fair, as a my Jewish friend commented, the young woman’s comments weren’t necessarily technically wrong, but they were out of place.
In the second incident, I replied to a comment a friend had made on Twitter. In reaction she sent me a pair of emojis that equated to, “seriously?” I was confused at first because my tweet had been intended to agree with and support her observation. However, because, as she put it, “I was one of the good guys” she wanted to explain how my reply could be perceived as a form of mansplaining. She realized I hadn’t intentionally tried to overshadow her comments or to be rude. She would have had no problem calling me out in public had that been the case. Instead, she took the time to privately explain to me why what I had done was problematic. I ended up, despite her saying it was unnecessary, removing my tweet because I was no longer comfortable with it. I realized were better ways of I could have replied.
The point of my two examples isn’t to say that the young woman was a bad person, or to self-flagellate myself. The point is that even as a ally, one will make mistakes. This is in part because by not being an actual part of the group in question, one can’t fully internalize what it means to be part of that group and how comments and actions will impact members of that group. But, one can ideally still listen and learn. I appreciate that my friend took the time to explain to me why my tweet was problematic. She was under no obligation to do so. But I appreciate it.
That said, two other quick items: I want to toss a shout out to the South Florida BI SQL Saturday. One can’t go 100% based on names as to how one identifies, but the organizers have tweeted about how they managed to have a 50/50 balance of men and women presenting. It is definitely possible to do this folks.
Finally, a shoutout for my latest Redgate article on Comments and More in PowerShell. This was a fun one to write. I hope you enjoy it.