Tonight there would be no CPR. I know often I promote the virtues of CPR, but it’s not always the answer and tonight was certainly one of those nights.

The overhead monitor was telling the tale. The patient’s blood pressure was currently 64/40 and the cardiac monitor was showing she was basically in asystole with a pulse measured sometimes in single digits per minute, sometimes a bit more. Right now only the drugs and fluids coursing into her were keeping her alive. Attached to her were the pads from the defibrillator.

At least twice the button on the defibrillator would be pushed and her body would jump as her muscles would spasm. She was dying. She had been dying all day. Her blood pressure and pulse had been up and down all day long. her body had been fighting to stay alive and a few hours ago it seemed like it might win the battle. But not now. Now it was just minutes instead of hours.

She had indicated she didn’t want CPR. So we stood there, waiting. For us she was a patient, but for the stranger in the room, she was his mother, she was the grandmother to his kids, the aunt to his cousins and the wife of his father. He watched, silently, a tear forming. The doctor was explaining to him what was happening and how she wasn’t in pain, but without the drugs her body would die in minutes, but meanwhile the drugs could keep her alive a bit longer if the rest of her family was on the way. They were. We left, as there was no more we could do in the meantime, and he needed to be alone with his mother more than he or his mother needed us.

I saw her family file into the room; quietly. I recall my own dad passing. Me sitting there, waiting for his final breath. More than once I thought his body had quit, but one more time he’d draw a breath. Finally he drew his last. I knew they’d watch the same thing.

It’s never an easy thing to have to say goodbye to a loved one. But sometimes you know it’s the right thing. Their body has given up the fight and to prolong it would only be a cruelty and indignity. Yes, perhaps with CPR and the right combination of drugs we could have given her another day, but it would have been a day of unconsciousness and sadness, not a day of joy and happiness, for her or her loved ones. Sometimes we just have to say good-bye. Tonight was such a night. She died surrounded with her loved ones, her ribs and cartilage intact, no bruises for the coroner to see, no sweat falling on her from techs giving her CPR. But she would did surrounded by her loved ones and that was right.

Disclaimer: My views and writings do not reflect those of my employer and in this case especially details have been fictionalized or altered.

For this post I’m going to do something a bit different, I’m not going to talk about only my experiences, but also that of two friends, one I’ve known for years and lives further away, and another for just over a year and lives closer, we met in a class together and now have taken two classes two together and work at the same hospital (though literally at opposite ends of the complex.)

We all share one thing in common: we are all in the midst of applying for PA School.

Due to where we live and ultimate life goals, we all share some overlap in schools we’re applying for, but also there’s a number of schools we’re applying to that we don’t have in common.

All three of us have our first choice. In all three of our cases, it’s in part geographically driven; being close to home would keep expenses down, it would mean we’d have our support systems close by, and the choice itself is a fairly highly rated school, i.e. we’re not really compromising our choice.

Alas, I think for two of us, if not all three, the answer for our first choice has been a no. That’s always frustrating. One of my second highest rated choices gave me a no yesterday. My friend who lives closer is still waiting to hear from them, so I’m rooting for her.

My other friend, just heard from the same online program that rejected me a few weeks ago. I can’t speak for her, other than we both share the same frustration, but I know for me, while it would have been a good program, I’m sort of relieved. I’m not entirely sold on the idea of an online program. Yes, they have weeks where you’re required to be on-campus, but overall, most of it’s virtual. My recent experiences have taught me I can handle virtual learning, but even then, I don’t think the learning experience is nearly as good and in a case like PA School, I think the collaboration is much harder and would impact my learning experience. So, perhaps that rejection was a blessing in disguise.

As I said above, in some cases I’m applying to the same schools as my friends (as far as I know, there’s no school all three of us have in common). This means of the few slots at all these schools, I’m actually in competition for a seat with someone I know. Now, in an ideal world, we would both get into the same program. I know I’d really love this as it would mean I’d have a ready-made study partner. But, at the same token, there is also the possibility only one of us gets in. And while it might hurt a bit to know I didn’t get in, the truth is, honestly, I’d be THRILLED to hear from either one of them if they got in to a school I had also applied to. To borrow a term, it would be a form of compersion.

One thing I know all three of us have been told is that often it takes multiple “rounds” (read years) of applying to get into PA School. This can be very frustrating. For those who aren’t aware, PA programs are masters level programs and most schools have cohort sizes varying from two dozen to perhaps five or six dozen. Most appear to be on the smaller size. And often they’re getting thousands of applicants. My first choice often fields over three thousand applicants for a total of forty-two slots. This means that if it were just a random chance, an applicant would have about a 1.5% chance of getting in. Obviously it’s not random, so they have to take into a lot of factors, one of course being “if we give you one of the few spots, how serious are you about taking full advantage of it.” This is why applying more than once can increase your odds, you’ve shown you really want that spot. In fact, looking around, I see anywhere from only 20% of first time applications to 37% overall, get in in a particular year. That can be a bit discouraging.

I won’t say I’m resigned to applying for a second round, but the truth is, unless I get accepted at one of my top choice programs and get some decent money, I will probably end up applying again. This means there’s one or two schools that even if they accepted me, I’m no longer sure I’d be interested in them for various reasons, and there are some that I’d jump at a chance to go to if I were accepted, but I’d have to get some good scholarship money to make them worthwhile.

I think my odds of getting in on a second round would be better for several reasons.

• Rather than being just above the minimum number of patient contact hours necessary to apply, I’ll end up well above their stated averages (for example, my first choice has a minimum of 1000 hours, but an average of 2300 hours. I should be well above that by the time I apply again.)
• I’ll have a few more classes under my belt, this will overall help my transcript and should raise my GPA (not above the necessary 3.0 that some schools claim they require).
• As per above, I’ll be showing I really am serious about attending and working hard at the program (I know that, I simply need to convince them.)
• I’ll understand the process better and be able to make some changes to my application process (things like when I apply, some of my essay answers, etc.)
• I will most likely have some better letters of reference.

In addition, there are some other advantages of waiting another year:

• I can build up a bit more savings to cover more of the costs.
• I have some events next year that will be easier to attend or manage if I’m not also studying.

If it doesn’t happen this time around, I can’t speak for my friends, I think one may move on to other goals, the other, I suspect if necessary would give it another shot, so there’s still a chance we’d end up in a program together.

That said, I’m still hoping for the lightning to strike for myself and my two friends in this round.

In any case, we all will know our fates over the coming weeks. I’m keeping my finger crossed.

As I mentioned in a previous post, one can’t hear a yes if you don’t try.

So far I’ve heard back from three of the PA schools I’ve applied to (out of close to a dozen now).

The first I’ll be honest probably hurt the most. This was in part because it was the first. It’s tough getting your first rejection. It does get a bit easier. But that wasn’t the main reason it hurt. The main reason was because it was one of the few schools that doesn’t absolutely require a 3.0 undergrad GPA. It was at or near the top of my list of schools I wanted to get into. I was hoping at the very least to get to the interview stage because if I did, I felt very confident I could sell myself at that point. But alas, not even that is happening at that school. However, if I don’t end up at a PA school in this round, I will definitely re-apply next year. They’re fairly competitive and by then I’ll have well above the average number of required patient contact hours and I’ll have some more classes under my belt and they look favorably at folks who try again. So we’ll see.

I honestly felt more insulted by the second rejection. It wasn’t exactly a long-shot, but it was a mostly online program which I’m not entirely sold on, but they school itself has an excellent reputation. The reason for insult wasn’t the rejection per se, it was the email. I applied at 11:30 PM. At 9:30 AM the next morning I received the rejection letter. My guess is I automatically tripped their minimum GPA requirement. That’s fine. It was some of the wording in the email:

This decision was very difficult, and every consideration was given to your application.

Given no one got in until probably 9:00 AM for the workday, I have to wonder how difficult the decision really was and how much consideration they really gave me!

The third rejection actually was the most honest and as a result, I appreciated the most:

School requires a minimum 3.0 for the overall GPA and science GPA. Unfortunately, one or both of your GPAs, as calculated by CASPA at time of application, did not meet this minimum requirement

Hey, that at least was honest and clear and no pulling of the punches. I’m fine with that. I mean I knew beforehand I would almost certainly get rejected based on my GPA, but this left no doubt. It also means I will leave them off my list for the next round if there is a second round of applications. I’m fine with that. It’ll save me $61.

Ironically however, the last two emails actually give me a bit of hope. Most of the schools I’ve applied to have a 3.0 GPA cut-off, but I haven’t heard from them yet. This means my application apparently hasn’t tripped any automatic “GPA Cut-off” filters. That’s hopeful.

Now, I still expect most if not all of the remaining ones to reject me this round, but there’s still hope.

So the record it’s NO: 3, YES: 0 and Hopeful: quite a few.

We’ll see.