Sharking

The title refers to a term I had not given much thought to in years, if not perhaps decades. But first let me mention what prompted the memory.

This weekend my daughter was competing at the State Odyssey of the Mind competition in Binghamton, NY. While waiting for her team to compete, I noticed a member of one of the other teams walking around with a stuffed, cloth sharkfin pinned to the back of a sport jacket.

This reminded me of a t-shirt my mom made for me years back with a similar design.

So, you may be asking yourself, “why?” and perhaps asking “what’s the point of this particular blog post”.  I’ll endeavor to answer both. But first we have to jump back into the time machine and again go back to my days at RPI. The year is 1989 and I’m now helping out with the Student Orientation (SO) staff. We were a bunch of students who would return to RPI over the summer and help the incoming Freshman class get oriented while they visited RPI in prep coming in as students in the fall.

Back then, the ratio at RPI was pretty lopsided, it was 5 men for every one 1 women. This among other things lead to some women using the phrase, “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” In a strictly mathematical sense this was in a way accurate, if a woman wanted to date, she had 5 men vying for her attention. The reality of course was much different. It meant that if a woman didn’t want to date, she still had 5 men vying for her attention. (Of course it was far more than that since things didn’t divvy up nearly as cleanly.)

This was a tough social environment and combine that with fairly geeky students who often didn’t develop good social skills in high school and you often ended up with a lot of awkward situations and honestly, some pretty bad behavior all around; hence the goods being odd.

And unfortunately, some SO staff weren’t immune from being problematic. We tried to self-police, but there were always the 1-2 men who would be extra friendly to the incoming women and like a shark swimming the waters, look for their easy prey. We called this sharking. We would look out for it among ourselves and try to stop anyone SO advisor we thought was doing it and if they were particular egregious, make sure they weren’t invited back the next year. But the problem definitely existed.

My mom, bless her heart made me a shirt with a shark fin on the back, not because I personally was a shark, or to mock the problem, but more to highlight the problem and help us be more self-aware.

So, this weekend I was reminded of sharking.

So why bring it up? Because, being a member of several communities, including IT savvy communities, caving, and others, I still see this as an ongoing problem; someone in a position of power or influence, preying upon the newcomers; often young women. Now it often can start out with the best of intentions and without the person meaning to. You see someone new, they ask for help. You decide to mentor them. You’re just being helpful, right? But then it becomes the extra friendly touch, the slight innuendo in a comment, the off-color joke or even the outright blatant consent violations.

Watch out for it. Don’t do it and if you catch others doing it, say something. Nip it in the bud. If you’re mentoring, mentor. Provide them with professional guidance and advice. Don’t use it as an opportunity to prey upon their naivete and lack of knowledge or experience. Remember, as a mentor, you are in a position of power and influence and so you should be like Spiderman and only use that power and influence for the greater good and to help them, not to help yourself.

And if you do for some reason find yourself slipping beyond the role of a mentor and your mentee also appears to be comfortable with this (hey, it does happen, we’re all human), then STOP BEING THEIR MENTOR.  Make it clear that you can’t do both. A mentor, by definition and nature, is a position of influence. Don’t mix that with relationships in a professional setting. Just don’t.

As many of you know, I love teaching, it’s a reason I’m a cave rescue instructor and a reason I teach at SQL Saturdays and at other events.  I encourage folks to teach and help mentor others.  But please, be aware of boundaries and keep it professional.

Oh and a final note, I’m not immune to my own follies and mistakes and if you ever catch me crossing a line, by all means call me out on it. I don’t want to be “that guy”.

 

Slacking on the Job: Or using someone else’s brain as your own!

This post by Thomas LaRock came across my feed a few weeks ago. I’ve had it in my queue to write about since then. Basically he talks about cutting back on using Slack communities. For those not familiar with Slack, it’s a tool used to basically chat with other folks. It can be used internally for companies, set for just two people, or for larger groups of people.

But before we go further, let’s jump in a time machine and go back to the fall of 1985. I was a freshly minted freshman at RPI. I was so freshly minted, one or two of my friends to this day joke about how minty fresh I smelled.

Back then the main computer on campus was Sybil, a dual processor IBM 3081D. Some students had written a program called *CB. Some of you may recall the popularity of CB radios in the 70s and 80s. (If you’re too young for that, click the link back there and read up on it). *CB was a computer based version of it. It had as I recall 10 channels; 0-9, 0 being a ‘public channel’ and the other 9 used for different types of discussions.

I found this early on and started to use it. Of course a problem was, this being a mainframe, all CPU cycles got billed to the student. Of course CPU cycles were cheaper after midnight, so, yes, I did a lot of late nights at a terminal (preparing me for a life in computers).

But, *CB had its limits and it wasn’t long before the powers that be decided to shut it down. But the students weren’t to be denied. Next came *CONNECT. This ran in a different mode so was better tolerated. But that too eventually went away.

At some point *CONNECT was replaced by Clover, which I believe ran on an UNIX system. Clover was soon replaced by Lily. I’m not sure how long Lily has been around, but I know it’s been around for at least 24 years.

From *CB to Lily several features were added or improved upon. The number of discussions on Lily is infinite. Discussions can be private, so only allowed members can see the discussion and who is in it. Discussions can be moderated to control who can and can’t talk. Moderators of discussions can control who is or isn’t in them.

One of the coolest features, and as far as I know the first system to implement this was the concept of a detached user, i.e. you could leave the system, come back and reconnect and review what you had missed. This predated by a number of years AOL introducing a similar feature (and other systems introducing it). Many features found in IRC and SLACK and other systems were first tried out at RPI on Lily or one of its predecessors. (more of a history at that preceeeding link)  (Yes, I’m bragging a bit about my alma mater and the students there.)

Anyway, I write all this because it leads me to Slack. I’ve used Slack. I’m not a fan of Slack. There’s no one specific reason and I’m not saying Slack is bad. That said, one issue I personally find is that everything is so separated that I end up with 3-4 separate Slack Windows and I lose track of what’s going on.

But, I still use Lily. I continue to use Lily every day. I’m a member of 333 discussions, I own 16 and some of those I’m in and I own are private (no I’m not revealing any secrets, sorry!) Why?

Well first I should note, of the 333 discussions, probably 300 of them get little to no traffic. For example the discussion Usenet gets extremely little traffic.  Others, such as Space can be very popular at times (like yesterday around 4:30 PM during the Falcon 9 launch).

So why am I on Lily so much? There’s two reasons. One is the obvious reason: we’re social creatures and I like the interaction. And since I work from home, it’s nice to chat with other folks. And I should note that Lily members are scattered around the country and even the world.

But there’s also another very important reason.  I’m not as smart as some of you may think. My brain is limited to the size of my skull. BUT, I’m not limited to that. I call Lily my extended brain. And it really is. At one point I was having a particularly difficult time with some Javascript (we’ve all been there right?). So I asked one of my Lily friends for help. She’s a full-time web-developer and she was able to help me out. When I’ve had Perl questions, various people have helped me out, including at least one member of the Perl Foundation (I may be mistating his actual role/title). I routinely answer questions about SQL Server.

Other RPI Alumns or associated people have played a major role in writing or being involved with the development of Usenet, DNS, the modern Internet infrastructure. Several work at Google, Microsoft, Amazon or other major companies and can provide a great deal of information I might not have access to otherwise.

I’ve also hired people I’ve met through Lily. It’s been a great resource for job hunting for myself and others.

Even long before we had the wealth of knowledge easily available on today’s Internet, Lily was my extended brain. And it continues to be my extended brain.

I’m not as smart as you think I am. But my friends are, and they’re even smarter than that. And this is one thing that basically makes us humans unique: our language and ability to communicate permits us to be smarter than we really are. We can and do share knowledge. If you really want to be smart and improve your lives and your careers, develop your network. Find your extended brain and exploit it. And remember your role in being an extended brain in others.

So no, I won’t develop a love for Slack. But I won’t give up Lily either. It’s part of who I am.

As a postscript, I will remind folks: if you like what I write, please subscribe so you get the updates when I write more.

And look for me at:

SQL Saturday Philadelphia: April 21st
SQL Saturday Atlanta: May 19th
SQL Saturday Albany: July 28th

You can pick my brain and extend yours there.

 

And so it Happened…

New Faces

Last year I made a decision to try to do at least one SQL Saturday outside my “normal” geographic region; which basically encompasses down to Washington DC and out to Rochester NY and Boston. I’ve spoken at a number of SQL Saturdays in this area. I’ve enjoyed all of them. And generally I’ve drawn a decent audience, with a few exceptions.

But, one of the problems of doing that is you keep seeing the same speakers over and over. And while we’ve got a great crowd of speakers, I wanted to hear from speakers I might not normally hear from. Also, unless you’re constantly creating new content (which you should for a multitude of reasons), after awhile your possible audience has heard everything you have to say.

So last year, I put a bid in for SQL Saturday Chicago and was very pleased to be accepted. I had a great time staying with some friends in the area and also a great time at the Speakers Dinner and After Party as well as at the event itself. I met a number of speakers I had not met before and heard a few speaker that I had not previously heard. And, I had a fresh new audience who seemed to really enjoy my topic on “Tips that have saved my Bacon.”

Colorado Springs

So this year, I had a choice of places to put in bids for. I selected Colorado Springs and was pleasantly surprised to find they’d accepted me.  Since I’ve got a friend in the area, that cut down on costs considerably.  It was a win win.

I had a great time at the Speakers Dinner on Friday night and met more speakers that I had not previous met. A quick shout out to @toddkleinhans and Cyndi Johnson and @DBAKevlar among others. It was great. We talked a bit about using VR to navigate a query, about reprogramming our brains and more.

I was excited for the next day. Sure, it was last session of the day, but I showed up early so I could hang out in the Speakers’ Lounge, see some of the other sessions, and hang with my friends, the MidnightDBAs, Sean and Jenn McCown.

Then it happened

As a speaker you have a lot of fears; the slide deck crashing, your computer applying updates in the middle of your talk (it happens!) and more. But I think the one that perhaps you don’t necessarily dread the most, but you’re most disappointed by, is when…. no one shows up! Catherine Wilhelmsen has a great blog post about this and I have to agree with pretty much everything she says.

All I can say is… “it happens”. I know it’s happened to other speakers, many who I have a great deal of respect for and think are a tier above me in terms of their talks.

Sometimes it’s just luck of the draw. Sometimes, as I suspect played a role here, it’s the end of the day, a number of folks have gone home already and ALL the sessions have lower numbers than ones earlier in the day. It could be the organizers misjudged the topics the audience wanted. It could be my title or description just didn’t entice folks (I suspect this is part of the issue with a different talk I gave, where I got too cutesy with the title. I’ve changed the title and updated the description and I’m scheduled to present it again at another SQL Saturday. So at least the organizers there think it’ll draw folks.)

But overall, yeah, it’s frustrating, but a single talk doesn’t make or break me as a speaker. It happens and we move on.

Conclusion

It was still worth coming out to SQL Saturday Colorado Springs and I don’t regret it. I’m grateful to the organizers that gave me the opportunity.  So thanks.

Oh and one more thing I noticed while going back through notes for this blog entry: SQL Saturday Chicago 2017 was event 600, Colorado Springs 2018 was 700. That’s 100 in a year, almost 2 a week. And I was asked to speak at (including Chicago) 6 of them I believe. That’s a pretty good percentage.

I’m content.

That said come see me next month at SQL Saturday Philadelphia! I’m not sure what time I’m scheduled for yet, but I’ll be speaking on “So you want to Present: Tips and Tricks of the Trade”. And yes, I will talk about when people don’t show up. That’s assuming I have an audience 🙂

 

 

Choices

“If you choose not to decide You still have made a choice” – Rush Freewill

One of the things that we believe makes us uniquely human is the concept of freewill; that we can rise above our base instincts and make choices based on things other than pure instinct. While there’s some question if that’s unique to humans, let’s stick with it for now.

Overall, we think choice is good. I can choose to eat cake for breakfast, or I can choose to eat a healthy breakfast. I can choose if I want get up early and exercise, or sleep in.

Sometimes we may think it’s hard to decide between two such things as in the examples above, but the truth is, it’s not that hard.

But, what happens when the choices aren’t nearly as simple. What happens when we sit down with a menu with 3 items versus 30 or even 100? We can become paralyzed. With 3 options, our odds of making a “wrong” decision is only 66%. I say “wrong”because it’s often purely subjective and may not necessarily have much impact.  But when we have 100 different things to choose from, the odds of a “wrong” decision goes up to 99%. In other words, we’re faced with the concept that no matter what we do, we’re virtually guaranteed to make a “wrong” decision.

The Jam Experiment

One example of this effect was seen in what is often called the jam experiment. Simply put, when given the choice of 6 varieties of jam, consumers showed a bit less interest, but sales were higher. When the choice of 24 jams were presented, there was more interest, but sales actually dropped, significantly. People were apparently paralyzed by having too many choices.

Locally there’s an outdoor hamburger/hot-dog stand I like to frequent called Jack’s Drive In. People will stand in long lines, in all sorts of weather (especially on opening day, like this year when the line was 20 people deep and with the windchill it was probably about 20F!) One can quibble over the quality of the burgers and fries, but there’s no doubt they do a booming business. And part of the reason is because they have few choices and keep the line moving.  This makes it far faster for people to order and faster to cook.  With only a few choices, patrons don’t spend 5 minutes dithering over a menu.

Hint: If you’re ever in the area, simply tell them you want “Two burgers and a small french”.  Second hint: No matter how hungry you are, don’t as a former co-worker once did, try “6 Burgers and a large french”. You will regret that particular choice.

Choices to Europe

What brought this particular post on was all the choices I’m facing in trying to plan our family vacation. It’s rather simple really, “we want to visit Europe”. But, I also am hoping to speak at SQL Saturday in Manchester, UK. And we want to visit London (where my cousin lives) and Paris. And we can fly out of the NYC area. Or Boston. Or possibly other areas if the price was cheaper enough.  So suddenly what one would hope is a simple thing becomes very complicated. And of course every airline has their own website design, which complicates things.

Of course the simple choice would be not to fly. The second simplest would be not to care about cost.  Of course neither of those work. So, I’m stuck in deciding between 24 types of jam. Wish me luck!

Getting Unlost

There’s a concept I teach people when I teach outdoor skills. If you’re going to be wrong, be confidently wrong. There’s two reasons for this. For one, people are more likely to follow a leader who appears to be confident and knows what they’re doing. This can lead to better group dynamics and a better outcome.

But the second, for example, if you’re lost is, if for whatever reason you choose NOT to stay in one place (which by the way is often the best choice, especially for children) is that if you make a plan and stick to it, you’re far more likely to get unlost. This isn’t just wishful thinking.

Imagine you’re lost and you decide, “I’m going to hike North!”  And you start to hike north, and after 15 minutes you decide, “eh maybe that was the wrong decision. I should hike East!” And you do this for another 15 minutes, and then you decide, “Nah, now that I think about it, South is much better.” 15 minutes later you decide you’re going to the wrong way and West was the right way all along.  An hour later, you’re back where you started. But, if you had decided to stick with North the entire time, an hour later, depending on your pace, terrain and other factors, you could be 2-4 miles further north. “So what?” you might ask. Well, take a look at a map of almost any part of the country.  In most cases you’re less than 10 miles from some sort of road.  If you’ve spent 3 hours hiking, in a single direction, you’ve probably hit a road, or a powerline or some other sign of civilization. (note this is NOT advice to wander in the woods if you get loss or a promise this will work anyplace. There are definitely places in the US this advice is bad advice).  Also obviously, if you hit a gorge or other impassible geologic feature, you may have to change directions. Or you might get another clue (like hearing a chainsaw or engine or something human-caused in a specific direction).

Final Thoughts

So, if you’re going to make a choice, make it confidently. And don’t second-guess yourself until new, solid reasons come along.

So, keep your choices simple and stick to them.

And with that, I choose to stop typing now.

 

The Basics

Last night at our local SQL Server User Group meeting we had the pleasure of Deborah Melkin speaking.  I first met Deborah at our Albany SQL Saturday Event last year. She gave: Back to the Basics: T-SQL 101. Because of the title I couldn’t help but attend. It wasn’t the 101 part by itself that caught my eye. It was the “Back to the Basics”. While geared to beginners, I thought the idea of going back to the basics of something I take for granted was a great idea. She was also a first time speaker, so I’ll admit, I was curious how she would do.

It was well worth my time. While I’d say most of it was review, I was reminded of a thing or two I had forgotten and taught a thing or two.  But also very importantly, she had a great ability to break down the subject into a clearly understandable talk. This is actually harder than many people realize. I’ve heard some brilliant speakers, who simply can’t convey their message, especially on basic items of knowledge, in a way that beginners can understand it.

So, after the talk last summer, I cornered her at the Speaker’s Dinner and insisted she come up with a follow up, a 201 talk if you will. Last night she obliged, with “Beyond the Select”.  What again struck me about it, was other than a great tip in SSMS 17.4 (highlighting a table alias will show you what the base table is), again nothing was really new to me. She talked about UDFs; I’ve attended entire sessions on UDFs. She talked about CTE; I’ve read extensively about them. She discussed windowing functions; we’ve had one of our presenters present on them locally. Similarly with some of the other items she had brought up.

Now, this is NOT a slight at all, but really a compliment. Both as an attendee and as the guy in charge of selecting speakers, it was great to have a broad-reaching topic. Rather than a deep-drive, this was a bit of everything that gave the audience a chance to learn a bit of everything if they hadn’t seen it before (and based on the reactions and feedback I know many learned new stuff) and to compare different methods of doing things.  For example what’s the advantage of a CTE vs. a derived table vs. a temp table.  Well the answer is of course the DBA’s favorite answer, “it depends”.

As a DBA with decades of experience and as an organizer, it’s tempting to have a Bob Ward type talk every month. I enjoyed his talk last month. But, honestly, sometimes we need to go back and review the basics. We’ll probably learn something new or relearn something we had forgotten. And with talks like Deborah’s, we get to see the big picture, which is also very valuable.

So my final thought this week is that in any subject, not only should we be doing the deep dives that extend our knowledge, but we should review our basics. As DBAs, we do a select every day. We take it for granted, but how many people can really tell you clearly the order of operations? Review the basics once in awhile. You may learn something.

And that’s why I selected this topic for this week’s blog.

SQL Saturday DC 2017 Follow-up

Last week I wrote about heading towards SQL Saturday DC. This week I figured I’d write a follow-up.

I want to start by saying thanks to everyone who organized and set things up and ran it. I’ve only been on the periphery of working the Albany SQL Saturday, but I have an inkling of what it takes to run an event like this. There’s so much work, much of it obvious, but also a myriad of small details, many that never get seen or noticed.

Since I like to talk about “thinking” in this blog I’m going to mention one such detail that I’m sure no one gave much though about, but was there. Chris Bell is one of the principal organizers of the DC event (but far from the only one who works it). I’m going to give away one of his secrets (and I hope he’s ok with that!)

So one of the decisions an event organizer has to decide is how long to make the sessions. Generally they run 60 minutes or 75 minutes. (Occasionally you might see some that run 90 minutes). 15 minutes may not seem like much, but over 4-5 sessions, it can mean the difference between adding or removing an entire session during the course of the day.

Now as a speaker, I can’t say I have a real preference. A 60 minute session often feels like I have to rush a bit, but a 75 minute session tends to mean I may have to add content, OR perhaps end a bit early, especially if there’s not a lot of questions at the end.

And that last detail is a critical detail that Chris took advantage of.

See, one of the logistical issues any major event has to worry about is feeding people. At a large event like PASS Summit, they have an entire and huge room just dedicated for lunch with rows and rows of serving tables. They can, if they had to, get everyone through the lunch line and served in a short period of time. However, at smaller events, with a smaller budget, especially 1 day events, it makes little sense to rent a space that large.

So, if you have limited space and limited time, how do you handle lunch, and especially trying to get your speakers and staff through first (so they can be prepared for their next session)?

You take advantage of the fact that every seminar before lunch isn’t necessarily going to use the full 75 minutes! You start lunch say, 15 minutes before the END of the pre-lunch sessions. Some sessions will end 15 minutes early, so those folks can get in line right away. 1-2 might end 10 minutes early and they can get in line after the previous folks are just finishing getting their lunches.  And so on.

So, you end up serving everyone in a reasonable amount of time, but you don’t have huge long lines all of a sudden. You have a much more reasonable distribution of people across your available time.

So, that’s something to think about when scheduling events. Oh by the way, if you’re doing massive maintenance or dataloads to your SQL Server database, you might want to see if you can spread out your I/O in a similar way. (Hmm, I had to get SOME SQL Server content in here, right?)

So, remember, if you think outside the box, sometimes you can get more done than otherwise!

P.S. I couldn’t finish this blog post without a huge shout-out to the @SQLSpouse and stealth Princess Gigi Bell and say thanks again for the card!

SQL Saturday DC 2017 Prologue

I’ll apologize upfront, not every blog post is mind-shattering and deep. This is one such lightweight one.

Once again I’ll be heading to a SQL Saturday, this time in Washington DC. I actually had two to choose from, one in Providence Rhode Island and this one. Mostly because I have friends in DC from the days I worked there, I choose to submit some sessions to present in DC.

Submitting presentations is always a bit nerve-wracking for me. You feel confident you’ve got a good session and you hope it is what what the organizers want. I’m not really sure how many SQL Saturdays I submitted sessions to before I was finally selected for my first one in NYC. My topic then (and still one I still present from time to time) was “Tips that Saved my Bacon.” I even made bacon cookies to hand out. (Never again, they didn’t come out great.) I knew I was off to a good start when I saw Micron Technologies handing out t-shirts with a bacon motif and even a scent of bacon. Must be kismet.

I get to my room, I get setup, I’m all set. I’m a bit excited and waited for the people to pour in and fill the room. Ok, then I waited for anyone to walk into the room. Finally some people showed up. Great, first hurdle cleared, I had an audience. Not as large as I had hoped with which to share my amazing wisdom, but an adequate one nonetheless.

Before I started, a question, from a woman I believe who was Muslim, “what is bacon?” Of course, with pork being harām to most observant Muslims, she may have never even encountered it. But I realized too, I had a bigger issue. She didn’t understand the idiom!  I was really off to a great start now.  I did the best to explain both what it was and the idiom.  She seemed satisfied. And then we were off.

Fortunately I sort of had a plant in the audience; a friend of mine who was attending who had wanted to hear my talk.  He claims he got a lot out of it.  I hope so.

Since then I’ve given that talk several times and fortunately had better turnouts and better results.

After that I’ve had pretty good luck in getting selected to speak, but sometimes you still get the rejection. I had previously put in to speak at DC at least twice before and turned down both time. You take it in stride and try to not take it personally.

So, again, this year I put in to speak at DC. I submitted three different possible presentations, hoping at least one would be accepted.

The final date for submissions came and went. And nothing. Then I saw they had reopened the period for submissions. This didn’t instill hope in me getting selected.

And still nothing. Oh well, I decided I’d go to SQL Saturday DC anyway, just to attend and to see my friends in DC.

Then I was at the RedGate After Party at Pass Summit and Chris Hyde walked up to me and said, “Congratulations. I really wanted to see your talk in DC, but apparently we’re presenting at the same time.” So, I had to go through my emails and find the one from DC. (That day I had a system that was giving me some warning messages, so I had to sort through about 100 messages to find the one from SQL Saturday DC, hence why I had originally missed it.)

But, as Chris didn’t say WHICH of my presentations he was going to miss, I pulled out my phone, logged into the site. And lo and behold, I discovered I wasn’t presenting just once, but TWICE! I was completely shocked. And… now in a wee bit of trouble.

You see my talk on Who’s flying the plane? What IT can learn from plane crashes, is one of my favorites and one I’ve given multiple times before (and the one apparently Chris will miss). But, my 2nd talk Presently Presenting…. Presenting was one that had hadn’t quite fully written. Ok, I had the outline in my head, but hadn’t written it at all! I generally do NOT recommend this style of doing things. I really like to present at a smaller group first (say my local user group) but I figured this was a good way to give me a kick in the pants and get the talk written. And I was right. The presentation is written, I’ve run through it a few times (and will run through it a few times more before Saturday) and I’m quite happy with it at this point.

So, this coming Saturday, I’ll be giving not just one, but two talks at SQL Saturday in DC. If you’re reading this and already signed up, I’d love to see you there. If we know each other, of course say hi. If we don’t, introduce yourself. I always enjoy meeting new folks.

And if you haven’t signed up, there is unfortunately a wait-list, but you can still add your name to it and if folks cancel, get in.

So, I hope to see you there!

P.S. I’ll give one piece of advice that’ll be in my talk on presenting. If you DO get turned down, don’t take it personally. Take it with grace. SQL Saturday organizers face a lot of challenges in picking presenters and are often overwhelmed with the number of submissions. Trying to argue with them or worse calling them names or getting upset with them is a sure fire way to guarantee you do NOT get selected in the future. And, organizers talk to each other. You do NOT want to get tagged with being “that person”. If you get turned down, don’t take it personally and move on.